"Birth" place: Berlin Transgenics Laboratory

Written by Paul

A reject of the Eugenics project, Herr Weir didn't quite get the best head start in life.  Born to a variety of test tubes and sterile apparatus, Paul's birth was a hygenic yet somewhat soulless affair.  Monitors and various gadgets ending in -ometer  were attached to seemingly random places on our young hero's "body", nitpicking for but the most minor of flaws.  Needless to say, countless were found, yet that is not to say anything was done about them.

And so it was, the Deutschland infant was packaged and sent to a low-profile hospital in an equally low-profile country.  Here a precisely calculated exchange was made (Mission Impossible 1 style) in the maternity ward, meticulously matching up similar DNA fingerprints, and deftly manoeuvring out via the ceiling.  (Actually, a trio of clumsy shotgun wielding goons just burst in guns blazing, unloading their sawn-off's into several nurses, and frag-grenading the drab birth hall.  As for the DNA - nonsense, there was only one new-born left intact after the,...er, covert operation, and beggars and choosers don't go hand in hand!)

After some clever manipulation of the local press and media coverage (shotguns again), the Valentine's Day-massacre sequel was shrouded from the eye of the voyeuristic public. Phase one of the operation was complete - worthy of praise from Clonaid.

With the aid of numerous drugs and synthetic hormones, Paul grew older. And with a helping hand from the Ministry, played along with an expertly choreographed upbringing.  Indeed, his childhood script is now available in .PDF format online. Still, Paul remains oblivious to his Truman Show-esque existence, and has accepted with the utmost gullibility all cover-up stories relating to actor-changes. If you meet him, please play along if he tells you about his brother's numerous plastic surgeries or his friend's physique variation procedures'. The Ministry have even staged classes, and Paul is now irreversibly brainwashed into believing "Puberty Theory" - the thesis of which can be found with the scripts.  On day 7000 of Life of Weir, his image will be broadcast publicly in a no-budget sure-to-be-Box Office flop.  Only kidding - he never made the casting for Starsky and Hutch.